so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
