goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
