Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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