Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
