I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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