:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
