great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
