4 words: hood of his car
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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