When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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