he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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