Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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