I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
