I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
