i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
