she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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