You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
