Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
