try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
