Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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