I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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