I can't watch pbs sober anymore
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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