Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
