whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We're too hungover to prance.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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