I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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