your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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