you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
