How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
