You can't special order awesome
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
