she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize