That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize