Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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