his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
