Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
