That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
