i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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