I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
