Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
