Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
