Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
