he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
