he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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