a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
