I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I want a musical about memes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize