covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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