I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
