I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
