Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
