Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
