you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
