Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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