Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
