i jhust puked up my retainher.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
