I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
