So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
