Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
