I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
