Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
