hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
