that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
