Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
