Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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