I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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