Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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