So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you will always have a special place in my vag
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
