i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
