We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
