Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
