my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
