I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
