What a fucking waste of an outfit
This house was built for laser tag.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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