Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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