the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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