Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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